As of Tuesday, January 7, 2014
To the editor:
As a substitute teacher in our school district, knowing many of the kids like I do, here’s Mr. Smith’s two cents on our choices for a new mascot, offered from a radio announcer’s point of view:
“The Rattlers seem shakin’ by that last drive, Dirk. I was just talking to a Rattler yesterday and he told me they weren’t about to crawl under some rock just because it’s the North Medford Black Tornado we’re talking about. But they look rattled to me, Dirk. Rattled.”
“The Sasquatches have taken over the game. Haven’t seen the Sasquatches this excited since they came roaring into the State tourney.
If nobody else believed in the Sasquatches, they sure did, Larry.”
“The Rapids were in a tough spot. But give the Rapids credit—it’s all downhill from here! We’ll be talking to a Rapid right after the game, right Bruce?”
“The Megawatts are on fire! You show me just one Megawatt with a heart the size of The Dalles Dam and I’ll show you a whole team of ‘um.
Killerwatts, is what they are, Gary! Killerwatts!!”
- “I love our Riverhawks, Dwayne. Love ‘um. Greatest river in the world. Birds of prey doing what birds of prey do best. What can I say?
Makes me proud just to say the name, how about you, Dwayne?”
To all you announcers out there. Depending on who we become, try your hardest to keep us from being a laughing stock if we make it to State.
Show some class. Unless we’re the Riverhawks, try and use our name as little as possible—but if THAT doesn’t work, at least keep your plural and singular forms correct and your tongue outta your cheek. Bankin’ on ya.