As of Saturday, March 22, 2014
Dallesport Butt patrol
To the editor:
Yesterday I spent much of the day picking up your butts. Butts on the sidewalk, butts in the grass, butts in the street, dirty butts everywhere.
I am sick of your cigarette butts. I saw a man at a stop sign empty his ashtray in the street. I saw a lady do it in the parking lot. She had no shame exposing her butts.
One lady threw her butt last summer into a dry, grassy ditch. I am disgusted with so many careless butts in our town.
I am now part of a Butt Patrol. We look for butts who toss their butts. We write down their license numbers so they can be prosecuted for their careless butt behavior.
Personally, I will make a citizen’s arrest and testify in court against butt throwers, because I am sick of picking up their butts.