To the editor,
An imagined scenario:
So, President Trump was getting bored with being president; it just wasn’t as much fun as he thought it would be, so he decided he’d make himself the head of the Agricultural Department. He’d never been a farmer or spent much time on a farm but how hard could it be? Most of the farmers he’d ever met were slow talkers and long range planners, both attributes he was sure he could improve on.
Well, the first thing he did was to go over the financials, and he saw right off that farmers were spending a lot of money on fertilizer, a lot of which was government subsidized. Therefore, his first decree was to reduce all fertilizing by 50 percent.
Initially there was concern and head scratching, but everyone went along.
The first year saw only a 10 percent drop in production, there being residual nutrients in the ground.
The second year, however, was off 20 percent and the third year saw a 30 percent drop-off.
Well, the president was upset with the bad publicity and all, so he sprang into action and blamed the crops for not trying hard enough, and he decreed their water should be reduced by 50 percent to teach them a lesson.
On the fourth year the president was not reelected, and the farmers were left to clean up the mess.
In an interview with Fox News just before his departure, he said that because the farmers didn’t vote for him it was all their fault, and they should quit complaining.